nights like tonight

on nights like tonight
I'm thankful for redemption
cause I had nothing left
and gave what was undeserved

my boys are my world
yet I ended up screaming
they were in tears
and I desperately pleading

why don't they listen
just do what I say
I'd had enough
by the end of my day

so instead of continuing on
in my fit of rage
we all stopped





and sat down



to talk


I said I was sorry
and asked for forgiveness
they're not even 2 and 4
but it's what they deserve

they deserve my respect
and my care and my love
not my rage and frustration
when push comes to shove

so on nights like tonight
I'm thankful for redemption
that I can offer my boys
something that we all deserve

a parent who is willing
to admit when they're wrong
to apologize and love them
when they've done nothing wrong

cause they're kids who are learning
and I'm teaching them well
whether I mean to or not
they're learning quite well

so I hope that tonight
they learned when they fail
that they can redeem
their mistakes and be one who cares

though we're all quite human
too often we fail
cause we're not really willing
to face the repairs

another page

So here I go.

I'm entering this space with intention.

It's probably been a year since I've truly written anything and I think it is time to forge ahead on this continual pursuit of healing my broken heart and soul. I don't really know why I chose today as the day, this time, this space, but I have.

Broken Silence was an easy space to use...whenever I was overcome, I could write without any need for inspiration. My writings were born straight out of a moment of anguish, anger, love, lust, terror...I allowed whatever was surging through my soul to spill forth onto the page. This? This is different. Here I hope to create, not ventilate. I'm not saying that Broken Silence was bad, because it wasn't/isn't. There are many days that I still need those posts...in fact many days I probably should have posted. But it is time for something new.

I desire change. But I'm aware that change cannot occur solely by desire. I have to act. Not only do I have to be willing to continue to enter the depths of my darkness, but I have to be willing to acknowledge that I hold great light.

I have no idea what this blog will be. I certainly had a "style" of writing in Broken Silence...I don't know what that style will be here. So far, nothing like it. Time will tell.

For those of you (if any) who have read or come across my blog/writings over the years, thank your for your input and I would certainly welcome it in this new page, this new venture.